I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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