We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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