Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
