she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
