Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
