Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize