I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize