she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
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We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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