your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
