just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I don't deserve a penis
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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