i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
