I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
