I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
