The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
