I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
