you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
