Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
