im about as happy as oj after his trial
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
