I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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