hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
