what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
