he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize