I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
