Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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