i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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