dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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