I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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