Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
