I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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