I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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