oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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