we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
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Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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