Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
