Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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