I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Even my vagina gasped.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize