problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
