What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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