he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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