She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
