So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
