You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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