Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
