I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
