i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Barsexuality is the new black.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize