4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
