Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
