i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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