If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
