we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
