oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
