well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
