My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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