In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
