Your face is a jimmy john
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We talked him into tasing himself.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
