I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
