Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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