True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize