Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
