I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
