Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
