the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
