why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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