everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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