this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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