I CAN MOONWALK!
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
