When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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