Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
