Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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