You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
