I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
